The Nonsense Bazaar

34 - Alien Love Bites

Have you ever had a romance that seemed almost fated, where supernatural events and strange occurrences led up to your meeting? As if some force beyond human comprehension was directing events, from those first butterflies in your stomach to the inevitable heartbreak? Maybe it's not your fault, and maybe you aren't a failure as a person and a lover. Maybe it's aliens. 
This week we're taking a look at two books by therapist Eve Lorgen: Alien Love Bites and the follow-up The Dark Side of Cupid. Despite the easy jokes, Lorgen is a discerning researcher who's spent decades helping people with really weird romantic problems, which she calls "anomalous trauma." From alien abductions and hybrid pregnancies to malicious and psychotic spirit guides, we take a look at a few very strange, compelling, and utterly ridiculous cases, and put off taking responsibility for ourselves for yet another blessed day.

33 - Havana Syndrome

This week we're taking a look at the mysterious phenomenon known as "Havana syndrome." In 2016 a group of American diplomats in Havana, Cuba reported the sudden onset of debilitating physical symptoms accompanied by a loud, metallic buzzing sound. Later Canadian diplomats would experience the same thing. Now, there have been hundreds of reports of Havana syndrome all over the world, including Washington, D.C. While initially reported as "sonic attacks", in years since it seems that no one can agree on what it is. Theories range from microwave espionage devices, pesticides, mass-hallucination, and crickets. So what is it? (It's definitely crickets...)
 

32 - The Case of the Psychic Catfish

This week we're looking at one of the flat-out weirdest things we've ever come across. A 2016 episode of MTV's "Catfish".  A Kentucky woman named Kayla is contacted by a woman in Florida who says she's been having regular conversations with Kayla's father. The problem is, Kayla's father has been dead for years and the events surrounding his death are absolutely grisly. You probably think you have this one figured out already, don't you? That's what we thought too. That's what everyone thinks. You don't have this one figured out. Is it a complicated multi-year scam where the only person who benefits is the victim? Or is it a genuine example of the spooky poking through in the unlikeliest of places? Come and get bamboozled with us on episode 32: The Case of the Psychic Catfish

31 - NESARA: Saint Germain‘s Infinite Money Cheat Code

To bid farewell to the ascended masters, we're talking about the dumbest, largest, and most terrifyingly prevalent conspiracy theory we've ever heard of: NESARA/GESARA and Saint Germain's World Trust. Combining masters, space saviors, aliens, 9/11, financial scams, and complete ignorance of what numbers are, the NESARA conspiracy theory alleges that a bill was passed in secret in 2001 which, among other things, outlaws all debt, income tax and the United States Government as a whole, sends lawyers to re-education camps, and makes all the good people of the world (read that as you will) multi-millionaires thanks to the "world trust" set up by, yep, Saint Germain. This world trust, it is claimed, holds 1 quattuordecillion dollars (that's a 1 with 45 zeroes behind it), and any day now...any day now...it's coming to you. Also, an old friend stops by with some words of wisdom. All this and more on episode 31 - NESARA.  

30 - Da Vid Raphael & The Light Party: A Case Study

This week we're taking a look at one of America's great traditions: the write-in presidential candidate. In this case, it's five-time presidential write-in candidate for The Light Party Da Vid Raphael, the Limberbutt McCubbins of the Ascended Master Teachings. Based out of San Francisco, Da Vid Raphael MD (AKA Dolph Bruce Ornstein) runs on a platform of ascension, "wholistic healing," turning Alcatraz into a "global peace center", and a public TV channel for something called "Artainment" where he just mashes up music with weird madness-inducing visuals. Also, the MD stands for music doctor. Although he did drop out of med school.  

29 - The Ashtar Command

In 1977, a mysterious voice took over the TV news broadcast across southern England. This voice claimed to be Vrilon of the Ashtar Command, a group of higher dimensional beings which include Lord Sananda (space Jesus) and Ashtar Sheran, and serve as the "Airborne Division of the Great White Brotherhood." Yep. But this wasn't the first time the world met the Ashtar Command or the space brothers. It wasn't even the first broadcast the Ashtar Command interrupted. In this episode we trace the history of the Ashtar Command, the sexy space heroes you channel if you're too groovy for the ascended masters, from its beginnings in the 40's with a German, an aircraft mechanic, and a dynamite mishap all the way to TikTok. That's right we're going to space and TikTok. Enjoy!
 
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28 - The Halloween Spooky Spectacular

It's Halloween! We're taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming to have some fun and do some weird stuff. On this episode we take a look at a collection of internet rituals for the sole purpose of making weird stuff happen, Willow legitimately hypnotizes Sequoyah, and we crack open an ancient grimoire of black magic and try to discern whether we've grown more or less hardboiled as a species. Enjoy!

27 - The Ascended Masters Inquisition: Interlude (That New Sound You‘ve Been Looking For)

While The "I AM" Activity and Church Universal and Triumphant are the leviathans of the Ascended Master Teachings, there are a whole host of others who have done their part in spreading this memetic virus: The Bridge to Spiritual Freedom, Peter Mt Shasta, Lady Master Pearl, The Hearts Center Community and a whole lot more. But the old funeral home vibe of the original Ascended Masters Teachings just doesn't cut it any more, it needs a brand new groove. Something neon colored, something futuristic, something....cosmic. So we're putting the old folks to bed and giving an intro to the next evolution of the ascended masters: the Ashtar Command and the host of Starseeds, Lightworkers, and all the rest that we'll be going toe to toe with as the inquisition heads to the stars.  

26 - Church Universal and Triumphant Part II: Guru Ma‘s Nuclear Sleepover

In the conclusion to our series on Church Universal and Triumphant, Elizabeth Clare Prophet suddenly in control of the organization after the sudden death of Mark Prophet (now known as ascended master Lanello). Changing their name from Summit Lighthouse to Church Universal and Triumphant (it's a tax evasion thing), CUT only grows bigger, more influential, and more dangerous as Elizabeth struggles with the realities of inheriting someone else's cult as a true believer. This, of course, leads to the purchase of a 12,000 acre ranch in Montana, the stockpiling of guns and ammunition, and building an enormous fallout shelter to weather the nuclear Armageddon prophesized to end the world in March, 1990.  Also, eating garlic scares the angels away.   

25 - Church Universal and Triumphant Part I: A Tale of Two Prophets

This week we're starting the tale of Church Universal and Triumphant AKA Summit Lighthouse and Mark Lyle Prophet and Elizabeth Clare Prophet, the next two goobers to take up the mantle of Accredited Messengers of the Ascended Masters. Reaching a moderate level of fame in 1990 for stockpiling guns and hiding in poorly constructed bomb shelters in Montana, Church Universal and Triumphant's story is much deeper and weirder than all that. In part one, we learn about how plain talkin' chowderhead Mark Prophet met Ascended Master El Morya, founded Summit Lighthouse, and came into holy matrimony with his "twin ray" Elizabeth. We also learn about the cosmic power of farts, mandatory enemas, the problem with meatballs, and all the unspeakable things you can do with a cube. Enjoy!